I'm fed up...

...feeling fed up.

I'm tired all the time. I can sleep for 10 hours then still nap for 2 hours in the afternoon. Now it sounds lovely to sleep that long but that's just not normal is it? This has been going on for some time and I'd put it down to work and shifts and loads of other things but enough is enough. Bursting into tears in my boss' office the other day was kind of the final straw!

I'm tired. Lack energy. Lack interest. More crabbit than usual. Poor concentration. I could go on but I won't. So, I went to my GP. Could I be anaemic again? Is it my thyroid? Do I have Sleep Apnea? Should I just give myself a kick in the arse? His answer was to order some blood tests and then dependant on the results of those, a possible referral for sleep studies as he agrees it could be Sleep Apnea.

My own diagnosis is Sleep Apnea. I snore. Bad. My partner can still hear me snore when he has ear plugs in. That's not good. Mum says she's heard me make weird "sing songy" noises in my sleep. Again, not a positive thing. Untreated, Sleep Apnea can be the cause of a lot of my symptoms mainly due to lack of proper REM sleep. The brain is constantly woken for split seconds when oxygen levels drop and it has to kick in the response to breathe again. This means it never gets a chance to rest and repair as it's supposed to while asleep. This results in feeling tired during the day and poor concentration amongst other things. I don't wish for it to be S.A but if it is, I know the treatment makes an almost instant difference and that's reassuring.

I've been for my fasting blood test today and the results will be in early next week. It's only the second time in my life I've had blood taken on the first attempt! Woohoo!! I usually end up covered in bruises from multiple failed attempts. My veins are elusive lil buggers when they see a needle comin at them. Either that or I like my blood where it is thank-you-very-much. Nothin wrong with that.

So we wait and see what the blood tests say. I'll let you know how it goes.

It's almost over

So, the higher duties job is almost finished and I can say with all sincerity, I'm glad. It's been a learning curve of fairly steep proportions and I'm happy to have had the chance to do the job. I've learned huge amounts about myself and others during this time.

I have found that my Granny was right when she said "empty vessels make the most noise". When it comes to patients moaning and creating a stooshie, they are waaay louder than necessary and suck up the surrounding oxygen with such vigour it deflates and exhausts all of those who try to assist and appease. The ones who say little and accept the explanations of rescheduled surgery with good grace are fortunately (for me) the majority of the ones I've experienced during this job. I am thankful for that. Truly.

I've confirmed my belief that medical staff can't see stuff unless it jumps up and bites them on the arse. I used to call it a 'boy look' when you couldn't see something that was right in front of your face despite claiming you'd looked for it but I've now renamed it 'doctor look'. Honestly. *rolls eyes*

I'm still leaning to multi-task or have several conversations at once. It's just not my thing to have several plates spinning at once. I'm very likely to end up with a pile of broken crockery at my feet doing that. However, I'm better at taking a breath and dealing with it rather than getting ratty. (Who me? Get ratty? Moi? Never! pmsl) It's not yet a perfected technique by any means but it's an improvement.

As an aside...the strike last week went quite well. We were a 4000 strong group who said we were willing to stand up and fight for decent nurse : patient ratios. We've convinced the State government to sit down and negotiate at least so all is not lost, yet.

All in all, it's been an interesting couple of weeks. I'll be delighted to hand the reigns back to K upon her return next week. I'm actually kinda looking forward to doing my night shifts next week. Fewer phones ringing. No relatives. Patients asleep. Peace and q.... actually a true nurse never says the Q word cos the minute she does the shit usually hits the fan big time!

I'll keep you posted.

The working week

Well, I've done 7 shifts so far, in my new temporary role at work and all I can say is...I'm glad there's only another 10 to go!

The job itself is time consuming. The phone never stops ringing, my colleagues have questions they need me to answer plus patients need attended to, in what have been huge clinic numbers this week. On top of all that I'm supposed to do statistics, check over admission paperwork, have meal breaks, attend in-services/meetings and so the list goes on. It's bloody exhausting. I don't know how K does this job day in day out.

I've often said to K, when I see her still there at 17:00 to go home. Now that I'm in her place I can see why that last 30-45 mins is so useful. It's quiet as most people have gone home. The phone doesn't ring and you can get shit done with no interruptions. It's bliss. I've gone without meal breaks too which I promised myself I wouldn't do but it's just so hard to get away. It got to the stage one day (I'd had no break and it was 13:30) when four people called my name in around 30 seconds I had to say "stop". I calmly explained that I'd had no break, my blood sugar was in my boots and brain cells were dying by the second so it would have to be one conversation at a time, "who's first?".

Added to the job itself there's the travelling times. As the job is 08:00 til 16:30, I'm catching peak hour traffic in both directions. It's now taking me 50 mins to get to work and just over an hour to get home (30mins and 45 mins respectively on an 07:00 til 15:30 shift). I would get the train but there are no parking spaces at any nearby station by around 06:45 so that idea is gone. So I'm stuck with driving...in traffic littered with some of the worst drivers on the planet.

Sydney drivers are arrogant, ignorant, impatient and just plain rude. They cut you up and under take you only to get one car further ahead. They drive up the arse of the car in front which results in slamming on brakes as it's obviously just too difficult to look ahead and judge what the traffic flow is doing. GRRRRR. By the time I get home I'm done in and usually annoyed at being almost driven off the road!

I have another two weeks of this job to go and I'll be delighted to hand the reigns back to K upon her return. It's certainly been an eye opener and an experience but not one I'd like to do on a permanent basis. K has my admiration (well she had that anyway but it's increased in it's proportions) for the job she does. I'm pleased to have had the chance to do something different but I think I'll be glad to go back to the ward when the time comes.

Oh and it'll be interesting to see what happens on Wednesday this week when we go on strike for improved working conditions from 10:00 til 14:30. I'll let you know how that goes.

oooh

twice in one month so far...how long will it last I ask myself?

So, from tomorrow for almost 4 weeks, I embark on a new role at work. I'm attempting to fill the very large shoes of a colleague who has buggered off on a well deserved holiday.

Now, this seemed like a good idea when I volunteered myself several months ago but now it's almost tomorrow I'm not so sure hehe! The RN I'm covering for has changed the clinic department massively since she began last December. Now the job is quite a challenge and no two days are the same. She copes admirably with the abuse and whingers (both staff and patients) every day and seems to still have a smile on her face.

We are very different personalities and I'm not so tolerant of the eejit population we come into contact with on a regular basis. I also sadly lack her skills of abstract thinking and instant problem solving. So you see why I'm beginning to regret putting my name forward?

I'm thinking that if, by the time she returns, I've not lamped someone or gotten myself fired I'll have done a good job LOL. There are administrative things to do which I can ask for help on if I need it but it's the day to day decision stuff I'm panicking about. Everyone seems to call her name and I'm not sure how she copes with it. Watching her at work makes my head spin sometimes never mind actually doing the job. I like to do one thing at a time minus interruptions so basically I'm fucked right from the start. :- (

I tell myself it'll be a challenge and that it's only for 3.5 weeks but I'm not sure I'm convincing myself. I guess I'm just gonna have to give it a go. As long as no-one dies I think I'll get away with it ;- ) The lady I'm being understudy for will receive a warm welcome back upon her return especially from me!

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Has it been that long...

since I last blogged?! Shame. On. Me. *hangs head*

It is said,

'The road to hell is paved with good intentions'.

Now, off the top of my head I've no idea who actually said this but it's true. Over this last year I've intended to do a lot of things. How many have I accomplished? Not as many as I'd like. The list of intentions goes something like this...

• Losing weight

• Getting fit

• Having a usable craft room and actually using it

• Clearing clutter (or stopping myself accumulating more of the damn stuff)

• Saving money for a rainy day

• Keeping in touch with family and friends more often

• Trying not to stress and be crabbit all the time, both at home and work

• Writing in this blog regularly as well as reading all my favourites

... Yadda Yadda Yadda. Sounds like a New Year Resolution list doesn't it?

I procrastinate. I become absorbed in the internet/Facebook/Blogs rather than be productive. I have books I could be reading, cupboards I could be cleaning, crafty things I could be finishing (as I'm the Queen of the incomplete sewing project) and many other wonderfully interesting pastimes too numerous to mention. Nothing gets finished as I seem to have the attention span of a goldfish. Or maybe I just don't see things through to the end (oooh that's deep for this time on a Friday night LOL) but lets not go down that road at this point in time shall we? Dangerous territory lies there methinks.

Anyway, as I've promised before to this blog, I'm gonna try harder. Not just on blogging more often but on all the other stuff I've mentioned above. Maybe if I put it out there in cyberspace I'll have to follow it through and commit properly...then again maybe not who knows.

"There are more things in heaven and earth Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." Hamlet, William Shakespeare
(or the fabulous movie L.A Story with Steve Martin and the philosophical road sign. I love this film.)

Sustenance

It's a Saturday afternoon, the furry boys are snoozing somewhere, partner is in bed having a kip after an 03:30 rise for work, it's raining outside, I'm still in my pj's and I'm making soup.

There's something about making soup that reminds me of my Granny. She made the best soup I've ever eaten. I don't know what she did to make it taste so good but I've never been able to recreate hers. It usually tasted even better on the second day too! Mine is okay, don't get me wrong but it just doesn't capture my Granny's version at all. Oh well, I guess it's not supposed to anyway. Each generation adds their own something and so it evolves.

Winter is the time for making thick soups that are almost a meal in themselves. I love hearty soups with a hunk of bread cos they're easy to eat and fill you up too. I'll divide mine up into portions and freeze it so I can take it in to work for lunch. Yummy. It's also a sneaky way to get veggies into my diet cos I'm not that great at the 5:2 (veg:fruit) recommended every day.

My partner probably won't eat it... All the more for me! yaaaay!

Being mindful.

So, my last post was the Desiderata. I've read it before but this time, when I read it in an email I was sent, it struck me how simple the suggestions are. It asks that you slow down and listen to people, take care of yourself and to be mindful of your surroundings. I do none of these things on any kind of regular basis, especially at work.

I work in the public sector as an RN and we are advertised as "the caring profession". However, I would like to know when someone is going to care for me. I am often spoken at in anger and frustration by patients and relatives who do not like to be kept waiting. I myself don't like to be kept waiting but would like to think I'm a little more personable to the people who make me do so than the folk I encounter on a daily basis.

I wonder if the world we live in has fostered this need for immediate gratification even in the arena of health care. Managers want patients treated faster and beds to be turned over quicker so as to justify their audits and financial targets. Patients don't want to wait for antibiotics to work or for surgery to be carried out in order to improve their health. Everything must be done yesterday to appease this need for constant motion, even if it is backwards!

Nurses are being stretched to their limits and sometime soon that elastic band is gonna snap. I get home sometimes, feeling like I've been running on the spot all day dodging bullets. If we ask for help, we're told to provide evidence that there's a problem. To provide that same evidence requires an audit or questionnaire or some other piece of paperwork to be completed, usually by an RN who is already struggling to give basic care to her patients. I get that black & white proof is irrefutable evidence that cannot (should not) be ignored but come on. We already complete enough paperwork on a daily basis to fell several forests and the thought of more is soul destroying and taking me away from what I'm supposed to be doing... Nursing!

I would love to take heed of the suggestions offered in the Desiderata and put them to use at work. I'm afraid the hospital management would most likely think I'd flipped my lid if I used it as defense when things weren't moving quickly enough for them. I don't want to feel like I'm pushing against a brick wall but I am and as a result I'm usually not the kind of person I'd ideally like to be as a colleague. I don't know if that's my own opinion or if my co-workers would agree but that's the way I feel most days.

How do I fix it? Who the hell knows? I understand that I alone, am responsible for my own behaviour and mental health so maybe I do need to be more mindful. If I slow down and listen to the world, maybe just maybe, the world will stop and take a breath with me too.

Then everyone can get what they want but just a little later than scheduled ;-D

Go Placidly

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what
peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms
with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they
too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to
the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain
or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser
persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it's a
real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world
is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what
virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and
everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither
be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully
surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden
misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark
imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and
loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and
the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the
universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him
to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the
noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still
a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann

I've been so busy reading other people's wonderfully funny and informative blogs since I started this blog of my own, I've neglected to blog myself since 2010 began! However, I am here now.

I baked a fair bit over Xmas and New Year cos I worked in a clinic setting rather than on a ward. The most popular, was a slice I found on a blog here that went 'like snow aff a dyke' as they'd say back home. I tried museli muffins too but not sure I'll make them again.

I don't know what I do, or maybe more accurately don't do, when it comes to making fudge or tablet but I just don't seem to have the knack. I made several batches from the same recipe and they all turned out different! It was eaten but I feel that was more because it's sugary sweet than for it being delicious. I think I'm gonna have to admit defeat with this particular kind of confectionery.

I dragged out my card making stash too over this last week. Sorted some stuff out into my recently purchased wheelie drawer unit and bought shit loads of new bits n bobs too *hangs head in shame* Really, I think Spotlight and Lincraft should come with a government warning for those of us too weak to resist the shiny, pretty things they sell. Given all the stuff I haven't used, I really shouldn't have bought more but hey it was soo pretty and I could see all the cards I could make and....I won't continue to embarass myself by trying to justify my expenditure!

I did have to buy some templates for my cuttlebug though or else my partner's lovely Xmas gift would have gone unused and that would be very rude ;-p I'm enjoying the technical edge the cuttlebug has given me instead of just matting and layering. I can emboss designs onto card to add interest or use templates to cut out shapes. I'm having fun playing with it.

I'm not the best card maker in the world and the finish tends to be a little messy sometimes (which bugs the Virgoan in me no end) but I do try. I need to keep going with it but could probably simplify my designs and use different papers. I'm not a girlie pink gal so tend not to use those colours. Expanding my repetoire but not my stash of supplies is the name of the game I think hehe!

The other project I must finish is a stitched gift I began around this time last year... I know it's pitiful isn't it?! I bought another one for someone else and that needs done pretty sharpish as a birthday present in the next couple of months.

Where am I going to find all the time? I could spend less time on the computer but then I'd miss reading the wonderful blogs I've been following and all the tips and recipes I've picked up. *sigh* Nevermind, I'll survive.